Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
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I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
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He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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