how can u be prego again
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
