My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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