I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
