I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
