So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
