Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
