he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
