I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
