Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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