and she was petting her beer can
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
