I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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