If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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