We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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