we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
