Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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