Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
