Where did you get a picture of my penis
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
