this beer tastes like vomit already
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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