Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
