so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
