Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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