Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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