i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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