Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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