We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
