your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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