Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Farmville is her only friend.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
