ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
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I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
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You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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