If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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