Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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