FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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