You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
