Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
