I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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