Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
