I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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