oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I need to align my fucking chakras
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
