Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
