at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
