I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
