Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
