Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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