Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I need a burrito and a hug.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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