you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
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i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
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Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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