eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
