Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
