me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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