Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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