really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
