I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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