i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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