you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
