I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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