hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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