just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
