we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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