Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
