I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
