i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
