you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
