Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Do vagina's smell?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
