How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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