I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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