I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
