well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
