Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
