He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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