I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
