dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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