Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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