Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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