after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
