His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
