How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
this is an emotional support booty call
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
