When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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